My Brief Thought on Mental Health

The pandemic has been a challenge for some of us, if not all. Some are lucky enough to manage, some has their own struggles. I too, have my own struggles throughout my life. But I never thought that one of my friends who usually is a fighter and assertive turns 180° and told me she had just visited a psychiatrist. All these struggles got me thinking more and more about mental health. And there's nothing more familiar than writing from your own experience.

Mental health is as important as physical health, and I've learned it the hard way. Sort of. When it becomes too much, it can manifest through the physical health. Like decrease in appetite, headache, and stomachache. And since I'm writing through experience, different people might have different health impacts with various mental illnesses. On the mental side, it can be quite heavy. It can be messy, it can be numbing, it can be painful. Most of what they feel are all energy draining, as if they have the ability to suck the living soul out of you. Some people, like my friend I've mentioned, are lucky enough to have the help they need for recovery. But some end up taking things the wrong way, and even costed them their own lives.

Even with my struggles, I really hate it whenever those unfortunate people lose their lives. And my catchphrase goes by: "Even if it's fate, doesn't mean I like it." It's even more unfortunate to see some people still being inconsiderate about suicide victims and/or people with mental issues. Their lack of empathy, or at least sympathy, truly amazes me. They needed someone to be there and at least listen without any kinds of judgement on how weak they were. They don't need all those comparison bullshit which is usually slipped with how ungrateful they seemed for being alive despite of having those issues. They don't even need false hope that reconnecting with God can magically makes it disappear. It has nothing to do with that. Humans are known to be the social creature. It's instinctual. And when someone feels lonely during their struggles, it feels like everything falls apart. It's them against the world. The world that somehow makes everything worse for them.

Pandemic or not, some people have been struggling. It sure happens and might cause more damage to some living souls. And pandemic or not, it's still best to just be humans and at least try to get rid of those toxic thoughts which cause more harm than good to those who are struggling with their mental health. And honestly, those suicide victims might not take their own lives had they received proper help instead of those poisonous words some people can have the audacity to say to them. Even if it's fate, aren't those toxics triggered them to do so? Can it even be considered as indirect murder if some people triggered them to take their own lives?

2020

 By the title of this post, I feel like it's very obvious of what this post is about. It might be approximately 75-80% about my views and thoughts about the impact of that one thing which leads to other things which wreak havoc on the entire world. The rest? Let's see about that.

To say that I had a feeling that 2020 is gonna be tough is an understatement. Regardless of whatever is going on in my life, new years are always filled with joy and excitement of what to come. The joy of trying, doing, and accomplishing new things; the excitement of going through anything in order to get to them. It can be the new chapter, or it can be a new book of your own personal series. But alas, I somehow got a very sour mood at the end of 2019 for around a month or two. Could be heavily influenced by some personal issues, but I usually never felt so sour at the end of a year with the exception of that year. Even if I'm not entirely happy with my life because of those kinds of issues, at least I always keep my mood bright and sunny on new years since I always feel giddy about having new experiences; new life. And after the pandemic strikes, I can't help but think that my own soul might had warned me about this year's huge mayhem by projecting that sour mood in me.

One thing leads to others, which are worse things that come in this year's case. I know I might sound so inconsiderate to say that the death toll isn't shocking, but I can't expect anything else since I've lived with it for around more than 8 months. It's devastating, yet I can't think of how selfish humankind is. Overpopulation (which is obvious), people blaming each other instead of sticking together to end this together, and I read some news where some companies who are creating a vaccine are reportedly using shark's squalene in it. Perhaps it is true that by nature we are the most selfish creature. Or I'd rather say by fate. Sure, our selfishness may be one of the key of the survival for human's existence; but I also can't help but wonder how far we should take it.

By the exact same fate, a lot of people lose their jobs or even having zero chance before even trying. Some try their best to survive even if they have to do something that doesn't have to do with what they want in life or their passion, while others just couldn't take anymore. Some are lucky enough to still be able to sustain themselves with proper care or even more, and some might just already living as a zombie and wish that their existence could end without them doing the dirty job. Heck, some even do the complete opposite of what I've mentioned in the previous paragraph and desperately tried, or they might still trying, to hold on for dear life in humanity regardless of whether or not will it eventually slip away from their grasps.

For the thinkers, like me, plenty of questions appeared during this unfortunate timing. Particularly the how and why. Though the how might be very interesting to know the answer of, the why hold branches of thoughts. Why is this happening, why do we deserve this, why are we living like this. I even think that those questions have the same meaning despite of being phrased differently. The truth is, we may never know the why answer as a fact. The how may be able to give a fact as an answer, like how the virus presented itself in the first place and how it eventually spread throughout the world. But why, that one word which was constantly used during my thesis period might have different answers depending on how each people look at it. For parasite type of selfish people, they might say something about blaming and failures. Some may say that this is the punishment for humans for we have been selfish for quite a period of time. Or even more blunt people might say that we deserve this. Some may say that it happens to teach us or tell us something. Though is might be linked with the punishment notion, it's quite arguable that not every lesson should be taught with punishment. Or this might happen to test our sense of humanity.

As for me, the short version is fate. That literally everything that happen in this world are meant to be, and they happen for a reason. Or more. Of course, only God who completely knows what the reason(s) is/are. Looking back to how humans shape the earth into this planet that we are living in, there might be a possibility that we deserve this. There might be a possibility that we are punished, tested, and being taught by this difficult time. But as I come to my decision to be very ignorant of those possibilities, I also thought about letting go. Because everything is fated. Every roadblock, every twists and turns in our own lives, every kinds of changes, every single things of them are meant to be. I decided to become water; go with the flow. The flow of God's energy which seeps into my soul, guiding every steps and decisions I make. Even if I make mistakes, those are meant to happen cause they happened.

Obviously, I can't say that I'm happy; but at least I'm trying my best to do what God wants me to do within my own pace. If God wants me to survive, I'll survive. If God wants me to believe that everything is going to be fine, the least I can do is letting go and just flow. At last, some things are easier said than done. Oh, and old habits die hard. I still have a hard time believing that it's going to be fine despite of the dreams which I've written in the previous posts, and the result of Omikuji (おみくじ) that I have. Yes, I even ask God's guidance whenever I take that Japanese fortune telling slip. It's difficult to believe since worse things keep happening and the fact that I have to see it to believe it in this particular case, but I can try to decrease all the negative impacts in my mind.

So, that's 2020 in a nutshell.  With the addition of my thoughts of this horrible year. Some may say that this is the worst year ever, only because of the generations who actually live through this. I even have read somewhere that this is technically not the worst year this planet has ever faced. And there's a possibility that this year might not be the worst year humans have faced considering there was ancient pandemic and outbreaks in the previous decades and centuries. But it's true that this year is terrible. I can't say that I'm excited for what to come next year, but I'm also curious whether or not the signs God had given me will come true.

Beautified Pain

Pain. It is associated with a feeling (either physically and/or emotionally) of getting hurt. It is a thing that may keep someone stronger, but it may also a thing that kills another. As humans tend to beautify things, or merely being optimistic in their language, it seems like this beautifying things may backfire as well.

It's a fact that humans are born with feelings, regardless of which become the dominant ones. And strangely enough, I believe that those who claims that they have no feelings do have a feeling either way. Only because feeling is technically an umbrella term, while specific ones may define more of what they truly feel. One may actually feel afraid of something so they feel like they need to protect themselves and came out as the "emotionless". Or perhaps they are angered of how the world turns like this. And pain is categorized as one of a feeling. Something that some people may like, but others may dislike and hate very much.

Pain is normal. Pain is something that everyone feels. Some may hide it. Some may openly talk about it. It cause different reactions to different people. Only because people are different. We have different lives as well. I'm not saying that it's bad to beautify things or being optimistic, but know that not everyone are as optimistic and lively.

I know how it feels like when you tell someone about the depressing state and they may seem like they're trying to make you feel better but it backfired when they beautify the pain by saying that pain is normal and it'll make you stronger. It's not the thing that need to be said, or written. It's the constant tiredness. The constant and what feels like endless. And to an extend, some can only tolerate so much during a range of time. Such dangerous, destructive combinations.

I feel like this might be another reason why some turns to solitude and even end it all without telling anyone else. Because no one understands, it's "me against the world". And saying "I understand" only to try to make it better doesn't help either. The truth will come out in any ways, so a white lie may even cut deeper and faster than any other things.

There's nothing wrong with encouraging people. There's nothing wrong with being optimistic. But do not throw away the fact that people have different reactions. Sometimes, saying "I'm sorry that I can't help you with that" or "Sorry, I don't understand what you're going through but I sincerely hope that you're okay" is better than beautifying pain. It might sound kinda selfish to ask others to be extra gentle in case if a friend or someone you very much know are in that kind of a dark state, only because that state is a truly fragile state. And truthfully, being extra gentle also need patience since there's no definite range of time regarding of depression. What seems like an innocent joke in the wrong time might be a combination of prickling the wound with a dash of salt sprinkling into the unhealed wound. Or could be worse.

P.S.: I'm very aware that my recent posts are most likely dark and depressing, only because it's my blog and I might as well use it as a safe ground to write about what's going on in my mind. I often write about my experiences in several posts as well, and not caring that much about who have read them. Only because writing has some sort of a therapy to me. And I post them when I feel like it. I also understand that every single things that happen are fated, even me writing and posting this. But with the strong urge to post this from my point of view, God's energy is guiding me to share this view regardless.

Being Humans

Humans. A part of living creatures in this earth, with a very distinctive difference from the flora and fauna. Physically, humans are mammals. Some suggested that humans have close physical resemblance to the ape family, although humans are not as hairy and the weigh & height are different as well. Furthermore, humans have one thing that animals don't have. When I was on my elementary school, my teacher who taught me about that explained that humans have the capability to think with our unique minds. And yes, we humans are gifted with our minds. We can think of anything with our minds, which are distinctively different than the minds of animals.

With our minds, us humans have been developing the society to what we are currently in. Any kinds of things to support the lives of humans are constantly created and reviewed, including every decisions that we make and the knowledge that we have. There's also this thing we call humanity. That word has a positive connotation, for it explains the good qualities humans have in order to maintain the existence of human beings. That includes kindness, compassion, sympathy and empathy, etc. Every kinds of positivity that we do for the sake of human's well-being are categorized as humanity.

Taken from Oxford Learner's Pocket Dictionary: Fourth Edition

But we must not forget that not every humans are positive. Throughout the time, history has proven that some humans in the past did not embrace humanity, even though until now I still have no knowledge on when the word humanity was created. Even until now, some people neglected that word for any reasons which made them do that. Whenever someone do any kinds of crimes; they are labelled as not humans, demons, and monsters. Perhaps at this era, those labels are attached to the true criminals as in those who do it out of pure evil, since there are some who committed crimes like stealing crops because they're poor and hungry with their limitations in life. Or some had to kill others in a situation where they were attacked, making it a murder out of self defense. Nonetheless, it's a completely different story if they really intended to do it for the sake of feeding their inner demons.

With the emergence of every cases that disregard humanity, including the current issue which has brought the whole world's attention, a single simplistic question formed in my mind: What makes us humans? Is it enough just for us being physically born as humans to have the rights to call ourselves humans? Then how about the connection between human and humanity? We all maybe humans physically, but what about our actions which defined our souls and characteristics?

Throughout my life, I've been thinking with this mind that I have. I've learned that even though humans have this enhanced mind which makes us more well-developed than the rest of living creatures, we're not perfect either. Throughout our lives, we make mistakes that disregard humanity such as wars and discrimination (be it racism, beliefs, gender and sexuality, etc.). I've learned that the mistakes happened so that we humans can learn by taking the message in order to create a better future for humankind. Yes, it's still unfortunate that some people decided to worship their inner demons and disregard humanity. It's unfortunate that someone must die to bring our attention of how such discrimination still scattered in some places around the world. But it's also unfortunate to blindly judge others for doing things in their own ways although their hearts stand with humanity. It's unfortunate as well that some people burn too much that they may not be able to control their flames. For flame can be considered as a double-edged sword. It can keep yo warm, but you might get burned if you got too close. And if you get burned too much, you may die eventually. Because I believe that things that are too much are not good, we may agree to disagree on this matter as we have different opinions.

Considering a lot of things that I've learned and known, I've come to my own conclusion on what makes someone a human. Perhaps it won't be as simple as "being humans means this and that", because we're naturally born as humans. Which means that we're al humans in physical matter. What makes the difference is the connection between humans and humanity, whereas the latter is categorized as our individual characteristics. We also cannot ignore the labels which applied to those who decided to disregard humanity in any kinds of ways. As well as the truth. Perhaps some of them do what seemed like a bad thing only because they have to. What matters is the real intention, for I have seen a lot of greys between the blacks and whites. Thus, I believe that what makes us humans (in case of our characteristics) is in where we stand as an individual. I know where I stand, and I stand with humanity. Some may decided to do the same, but we may have different ways and actions to protect and maintain humanity. And it's completely fine, because we are naturally different. Humans meant to have differences. Either way, it's basically more about our own decisions. To stand with humanity or not to do so.

Death

Death is something inevitable, and definitely something that happens to every living creatures. It is a sign that our mortality is something that always have an ending, in this kind of world at least. To put it simply, death is the end of our lives as a human.

Just like how each of our own lives differ one and another, death also varies. The way we die varies, and the way each of us views death also vary. And perhaps we have various views of death throughout our lives due to our growth and developments within each of our own lives. I too, has developed my own changing views about death.

Witnessing someone's death right before my eyes when I was a teenager sort of influenced how I view death. If you ask me about my views of death back then, I'd say that it is scary and traumatizing. Perhaps because the death which I witnessed was so sudden, in the middle of something that should be fun, and the fact that he was my father. I saw how his body changed its state from being alive, to dying, and eventually death.It was something that I can't ever forget.

But if you ask me how I view death now, my answers may vary. I'm not viewing it as something scary and traumatizing anymore, because I have grown out of it and time does have something to do with it. My definite answer is that death is something which is unavoidable, because we are going to die someday in the end. The rest of my various answers are purely influenced by my views and understandings about this world. Like how death can be peaceful because we may no longer need to feel the sufferings we currently feel when we ere in this world. Letting go of those pain and leave. Or simply because we have done our role in this world and there is literally nothing else for us worth living. Death can be tragic too, if there's an unfortunate event behind death itself. But no matter how beautiful or tragic a death is, they happen for a reason.

How beautiful or how tragic a death is can be linked with the way someone died. Some may die peacefully, either in their sleep or the end of a deadly sickness. Some may die in an accident, murdered, or even ending their own lives. During such tragedy, some may question the existence of God for God lets the tragedies happen. But as someone who views that everything happens for a reason, I do not even question the existence of the creator. Because without the tragedy, we may not be able to treasure the beauty of life. It's better for us to grasp the message and learn instead of throwing blames to another. Some contradicting forces also coexist for a reason. Murder can be considered as an evil act, unless if there is really no other way to survive. But how can we know what's good if we don't know what's evil?

As for suicide, it may be a tragedy and/or something beautiful. It is a tragedy, because the person ended their own lives due to whatever reasons that made them did it. In most cases, it leaves a painful scar to the loved ones of the deceased. But it can also be beautiful, for they may no longer need to feel all the pain they felt when they were alive. And the consequences that they have in the afterlife is none of our business, because they're the ones who took their own lives. What is our business as mortals who know about suicide, is raise our sense of humanity instead of throwing biased judgements even though they have passed away. So what if they are 'too weak to handle life'? Is it not better if the so-called strong ones help the weak ones instead of throwing such foolish judgements? Quoting Magnificent by U2, such foolishness can really leave a heart black and blue. Their suicide can also taught us something, like how some people may feel utterly depressed although they hide it very well. We should be more kind to others instead of judging them. In that case, death can bring us lessons and messages.

Another thing I think about death, which is something life also has, is fate. Some people are meant to have peaceful death, while others are meant to have such tragic deaths. I even think that some people are meant to take their own lives, despite of the what ifs. Because of fate, death can leave such messages even though not everyone embrace them. And perhaps it is also fated that only some people can embrace the messages, because both of the contradicting forces coexist for a reason. In the end, both forces are the ones that keep this world alive. Something to fight for. Or simply a meaning of life.

Every living beings shall face their own deaths. No matter how long we shall live, we are having our own ending in this world. Just like the lives we have, our deaths are different as well. The way we view death is different, and even the way we view afterlife is different. But no matter where we stand, everything is meant to be. Including the messages that both life and death have given us.

Being At Peace by Not Giving a Fuck

Encountering life means encountering people. Encountering people means encountering opinions. And encountering opinions means the decision to follow the opinions or throw them away. Not all opinions are bad, but this post specifically explains about others' opinions which we really don't have to follow. cause sometimes, some people use their opinions to change others instead of encouraging them just to be themselves.

As the author of this blog, it is a privilege of me to write my own experience about this topic. Which is one thing that I hate about my own country. Sometimes I meet those annoying people who happen to push their opinions on one's personal life. Mostly, they talk about the importance of marriage; which by far is the very last thing I'm interested in and I have my own personal reasons for that. So far, the most annoying one came from one seemingly religious married man whom I assume is quite patriarchy as well. I even had every counterarguments for all the arguments he said, like why some people die young if God said that all people must get married. I've also encountered the pushy opinions from what should be my 'closest circle', or at least that's what they claimed it to be even though they're nothing compared to my friends who are open minded and understanding. Those kind of annoying ones had their own opinions on what kind of life I should have, although it's actually none of their business since it's my life, not theirs. At one point, I was really frustrated with those people throwing their opinions to me that I really wanna say "none of your fucking business" to them.

After that very turning point, I decided to try not to give a fuck to whatever they say about my life. Of course it's easier said than done; cause throughout my life, I have a habit of being a good listener whenever I have a conversation with someone. When I listen to people, sometimes I filter them with what I believe in and decipher what they're trying to convey as well as what kind of people they are. Thanks to the same filter, I can stand on my own ground even though I tend to listen first and speak when I'm comfortable or asked. One major drawback that I feel as a listener is the ability to feel whatever they say, which lead to thinking about them. That's why I felt frustrated at first whenever I heard those kinds of opinions.

Bit by bit, I'm gradually learning to filly have no fucks given to any of them. By giving no fucks, I'm learning to handle my life on my own. If I success, it's because of me and for me since I'm the one who do all the deeds. If I fail, I'm the one who's responsible and keep doing what I can because I'm the one who I have in the end. I have the freedom to choose what kind of life I have with the consequences that lie beneath it. And most importantly, I'm letting myself just to be me. I'm freeing myself from worrying about what others think of me, and eventually I feel my soul being more at peace.

Opinions are just opinions. As individuals, we all have the free will to choose what kind of life we want, with the consequences as well. Those pushy people need to learn to appreciate that each individuals are naturally different, so there's no need to push those kinds of opinions and try to control their lives. It's not healthy. By giving zero fucks to those opinions, (or at least having the will to try not to give a slightest fuck), I believe that our personal lives will be more peaceful. Besides, why let others run your life if it's your life in the first place? Our own lives aren't their fucking business anyways.

P.S.: I'm aware that there's a book entitled "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck", which I haven't read by far (maybe later when the time comes). This post has nothing to do with the book in any matter, because I'm writing this with the intention of sharing my thoughts regarding of the matter.

Learning Other Languages

Learning other languages can be difficult, or not, depending on each of our own abilities. But is that really all it depends on? In this post, I'm writing about my personal experience during my almost 23 years of learning two additional languages. Although, one is longer than the other.

My native language is Indonesian. Even though I'm half Chinese and half Javanese, I don't really understand those two languages like the natives or those who simply learn them. Despite of my father's attempt to let me learn Mandarin by enrolling me to Mandarin Course at school, my grade were terrible because I focused on the complications in learning that language and the fact that I wasn't really fond of learning it. At the same time, I was enrolled in an English Course and I managed to excel in it partly because Indonesian also has alphabets like English so I don't need to learn how to read different characters in a language. Exposure to medias which use English from childhood also helped me getting used to the language. I spent my childhood watching Disney Channel; and my teenage years were spent watching channels which use English like AXN and Star World.

I was so comfortable using English that I switched Indonesian novels to English novels. I also express myself more on the internet using English, although I rarely write in my native language. The same comfort also made my decision of my major for my Bachelor's Degree. The only major drawback that I experience with getting exposed to foreign language from childhood is a certain stereotype. Some people here stereotyped us who often use English as arrogant slash cocky. Usually, the reason is us using foreign language too often that we don't love our own language thus not loving our own country, which is such a foolish excuse because I'd change my nationality if I dislike my country. Due to how moronic that stereotype is, that doesn't stop me from using English whenever I want to. And it certainly doesn't stop me to learn other languages.

During High School, I was starting to get interested in Japanese music. Sometimes later, I started reading lyrics translations to understand their meanings. I also watched Japanese dramas & films with English subtitles, although I occasionally found Indonesian subs as well. I was lucky to find several PVs and Lives which have Kanji, Romaji, and English/Indonesian subtitles in it. Before I knew it, I was unconsciously learning Japanese; but I didn't want to stop because of my huge interest in their culture. Later on, I could memorize Hiragana along with several Katakana and Kanji. I can also type simple sentences in Japanese. My other form of self-learning is interacting with some Japanese native speakers from an online game. In the game, we interacted through text and I have to thank Google Translate for their scanning feature. As a language graduate myself, I know that the translation for full sentences can be incorrect or simply weird; so I read each of the words' translations and comprehend what they mean when each of them are combined. I also noted the translations of those words for future references, I'm thankful for being able to interact with the native speakers because interacting with them is really useful in developing my Japanese language, and we're still occasionally catching up with each other.

So far, my personal experience in learning two additional languages have different reasons of my ability to learn them. One being familiarity and exposure from childhood, and another being the interest of the culture which lead to the want to learn the language. With that, it can be concluded that there are other things which cause the success of learning other languages, apart from the individual abilities. Exposure from childhood and the familiarity with the native language may help. But when we learn another language as an adult, it might be more difficult than if we learn it from our childhood. In that case, one thing that can motivate us to learn the language is our own interest. If we have the interest to learn a language, we may be able to learn it regardless of the difficulty of the language itself. There are plenty of ways to Rome indeed, but we must decide whether we really wanna go there or not. Until then, which method we use to learn a language doesn't really matter because each of us have our own pace.

Musical Preference Superiority

I've been thinking about writing this kind of topic in my blog lately even though I've thought about it for awhile. As the title goes by, I'm going to write about my opinion about how some people feel superior regarding of their musical preference.

The feeling of superiority doesn't have to come in their musical preference, I know. Hell, it can come up with any kinds of reasons to feel superior. I just happen to love music so much that it's like a drug to me. I may go crazy if I don't listen to my beloved music at least once in a day. I meditate with music instead of the classical quiet mode. But as much as I love music, it doesn't mean I like every single genre that I like. We'll get to that later.

As we all know, there are mainstream music and not so mainstream music. The mainstream ones are easier to find and lots of people are listening to them, but it doesn't necessarily make non mainstream music bad either. I also found that the feel of superiority in regards of musical preference is found in both mainstream listeners and non mainstream listeners. One of the most popular mainstream music right now is K-Pop. Some of the listeners seems quiet superior which is shown in the internet. I even had a classmate which felt so superior about her preference in K-Pop that she threw lots of shade on 48G during their performance in M.A.M.A. before Produce48 was announced. I did mention some cause I also had friends who like K-Pop and they don't feel any kinds of superiority in their preference.

As for non mainstream listeners, I occasionally found them as well; bragging about how different their musical preferences are comparing to the mainstream, which indirectly say that mainstream is kinda low. I've been there before although I'm glad that I don't feel like that now. Somehow, my musical preference is always different with the majority of mainstream listeners and I truly hate the traditional music in my country. My teenage years were filled with MTV Asia where I discovered lots of western music. Even so, perhaps the only mainstream musicians that I liked were Taylor Swift, Rihanna, Beyonce, & Lady Gaga. I even stopped listening to Swift somewhere in my middle school and discovered new artists (at that time) like Pixie Lott & Little Boots. One mainstream musician that I hate the most at that time was J***** *****r, a.k.a. my hate at first sight. In short, I felt superior because I also listened to non mainstream musicians and used my hatred toward my "hate at first sight" and my distaste of dangdut to look down on their listeners.

Then I grew up. I still hate those I've mentioned above. And I still don't really listen to the mainstream music. I don't like K-Pop, but it doesn't necessarily mean that I hate them nor do they sucks. It's just that I currently prefer to listen to J-Pop and my nostalgic music. I also don't look down upon the mainstream listeners. As a music lover, I must say that music is one thing that is supposed to be enjoyed, not something to brag about. Just because one prefers indie and classic doesn't make them a genius and artsy. Just because one listen to mainstream music doesn't make them trendy and cool either. After all, it's just preference. We all have different ways to realize the beauty of music.

Music is a form of art that touch its listeners. Just like there are various things in this world, it has various kinds of genres as well. How one prefers a genre rather than another is completely their own preference. It has nothing to do with how one genre is better than the other. Better yet, it doesn't have anything to do with how rubbish one's musical taste is. Just like different kinds of flowers, each has their own lovers. But it doesn't neccesarily mean that one flower is uglier than another. Besides, the world is more colorful with various kinds of thing.

A Blessing in Disguise

It has been a very heavy time for us humans lately. We are currently hit by a global pandemic which eventually took a toll for all of us. We have to make decisions which also come with a great consequence. And all of those decisions may depends on the views and conditions in each countries as well. Regardless, I feel like the title of this post suits really well with my thought about this pandemic.

I still remember how fast it all seemed to be, at least in  the country where I live. January was my graduation ceremony from university. February, I went out with my campus' bestie at one of the high-end mall in Jakarta to try Omikuji (Japanese fortune draw) at a Matcha Cafe. It was the end of February, so the beginning of March was still pleasant. I went to retrieve my graduation certificate with the same bestie, where I believe the beginning of the cases were increasing. At that same day, I saw someone wearing a green raincoat (instead of the medical protection suit) disinfecting a train station. Eventually, my neighborhood had a local quarantine at the end of March. And we're still in quarantine up until now.

It wasn't as tight as it is now at the beginning. Perhaps because some people are still fooling around and selfishly hang out just because they're bored. Before wearing fabric mask is a must, I could freely breathe the air whenever I go out to do something necessary. I also had my fair share of being upset toward those who wore mask, surgical mask, incorrectly. Like wearing them upside down or not even covering their nostrils, although I find that surgical mask is way more breathable than fabric mask. I could also still use online motorcycle ride service. But now the service is temporarily removed, and I have to wear a fabric mask whenever I go further than my neighborhood. I don't mind with using public transport, but the only uncomfortable thing about wearing fabric mask is the slight difficulty of breathing freely. Sometimes I have to release my nostrils out of their misery even though I know that the usage is intended for everyone's safety.

Regardless of how difficult the situation is, another thought about this pandemic came to my mind. It is about this planet where us humans currently live in. And how I thought that this pandemic may be, as goes by the title, a blessing in disguise. I remember seeing the sky when I was grocery shopping at that time. The sky was clearer than ever. I also saw the news which stated that air polution had been decreasing in several areas. The Himalayas are also visible from India. My next statement about another blessing in disguise may sound cruel for those who values each and every lives, but I can't help but think about it either. We are over-populating the earth. Death is an inevitable part of being alive. Not to mention that some of us selfishly destroy parts of the earth for their own personal gains and satisfaction. Thus, I had a thought that this pandemic is also a blessing in disguise in a way of how it teach us several things.

Controlling our selfishness. I understand that selfishness is in our nature and is useful for human survival. But the degree and reasons behind our selfishness need to be controlled. To an extent, bad case of selfishness has hurt both our relation with the earth, and our relation with each other. Human relations. And somehow, I also thought that breeding is a part of our natural selfishness to sustain human's existence in the earth. We may eventually got extinct if we stop breeding, but it doesn't mean that we have to do it overly. I strongly believe in quality over quantity. And look where this quantity has brought us to.

Another thing is learn to be more grateful, as this pandemic is something that strike us all of a sudden. Be grateful for everything which happened before this pandemic strikes, be it good or bad. At least we can learn something from all of the bad things we've experienced. Don't take anything for granted, strengthen the positivity of human relation, say sorry to Mother Nature, appreciate all things in life, keep your health and hygiene in mind, you get the idea. And most importantly, bask in all those things we can learn from this pandemic instead of 'saying yes and forget about all of them some times later'.

There are other trivial stuff we can learn from this pandemic in order to deal with our boredom. We can find new hobbies. Read a bock, knit, play musical instruments, dance, try that recipes which interest us, spend more time with pets, write something. In that case, perhaps I'm gonna update this blog more often during this pandemic. And I'm still gonna write any kinds of topics which comes to my mind.

Dimanakah Bhinneka Tunggal Ika?

"Berbeda-beda namun tetap satu", itulah arti semboyan bangsa Indonesia. Semboyan yang telah diperjuangkan oleh pahlawan-pahlawan di masa lalu untuk kemerdekaan Indonesia. Semboyan yang telah menjadi keindahan Indonesia pada masa kemerdekaannya.

Namun, apakah Indonesia sungguh-sungguh sudah merdeka? Secara teknis, mungkin jawabannya adalah iya. Tetapi, melihat kejadian yang terjadi pada tanggal 4 November 2016, 71 tahun setelah Indonesia mendeklarasikan kemerdekaannya, semboyan tersebut seolah-olah menghilang, atau lebih tepatnya dihilangkan oleh orang-orang yang tidak dapat menerima perbedaan yang menjadi ciri khas dan keindahan Indonesia.

Wahai orang-orang yang menodai semboyan Indonesia yang menghiasi Garuda Indonesia,  apa sebenarnya yang kalian "perjuangkan"? Apa sebenarnya yang kalian "bela"? Kalian tinggal di Indonesia, darah Indonesia mengalir di dalam tubuh kalian. Namun, pantaskah kalian menyebut diri kalian sebagai orang Indonesia,  setelah apa yang kalian lakukan terhadap Bhinneka Tunggal Ika?

Indonesia indah karena keberagaman. "Berbeda-beda namun tetap satu", itulah arti Bhinneka Tunggal Ika. Tetapi, kalian telah menodai semboyan ini. Semboyan yang telah diperjuangkan untuk meraih kemerdekaan negara ini. Apakah kalian merupakan orang Indonesia yang sesungguhnya?

Namun demikian, semboyan tersebut masih hidup, walaupun dia ternodai. Dimanakah Bhinneka Tunggal Ika? Dia masih hidup didalam orang-orang yang masih percaya dengan semboyan tersebut. Dia hidup dalam orang-orang yang memperjuangkan arti dari semboyan tersebut. Namun, apakah orang-orang tersebut memiliki kekuatan yang cukup untuk membersihkan noda yang diakibatkan oleh orang-orang yang menodai semboyan tersebut?

Recent

Honestly, the condition of the world recently is... a bit positive & negative. I wonder how can some things still happen recently. World war have ended years ago, yet there are still some people who wake up to the sound of bombing and shooting. I thought to myself, if that condition still exist, then why is the world being called in a condition that people call "peace"? People searching for freedom and justice yet these people are still being blocked out by the enemy of justice.

But then, beyond the darkness of the recent wicked world, I still can see a beaming light. That light, isn't it called hope? A hope, that someday in the future, the recent light will turn the world to become brighter. A hope that someday the recent will be the past, and the brighter world will be the recent. The light, that being protected by the people who believe in the brighter tomorrow.

Recently, everyone also have different conditions. And of course, different problems. The recent people have, may be the result of the past. The recent can also determine the future that will replace the recent soon after. Some people always say that there's always tomorrow to fix things. Always? I don't think so. Who knows when is our last day of life besides God? That's why, I think that people shouldn't waste their recent easily.

So, where do you stand in your recent? Does your recent live up to whatever you want in your life? Or it doesn't but it live up to your need? Or perhaps, you don't know where you stand in the recent? Wherever you are, you must acknowledge your position in your recent, to secure your future. The saying,"Regret always comes in the end" is true. But don't let that regret consume you, turn the regret into life lesson and then you can make your future to be your recent.