Believe It, Or Not

She continued walking in the light rain, with no direction in particular. The path seemed endless and dim, with mist coming here and there. She began to realize that the path might be truly endless, but she did not feel exhausted after walking for quite awhile. She did not even notice how long she had spent walking. So she stopped walking and slowly closed her eyes.

When she finally opened her eyes, a figure appeared before her. The figure seemed distorted, like a shadow forming a silhouette which mimicked her own. Realizing that she didn't feel any drops of water, she began noticing that the rain had stopped as well.

She waited for the figure to do something, but it stayed there still. Like a statue made of shadow. Growing impatient, she wondered why the figure was there. Until a chilling voice asked her, "where do you want this road leads you to?"

The voice sounded like it came from the figure. She figured that maybe this figure had a clue on what was about to happen to her. Without opening her mouth, she asked the figure the meaning of the question.

"You don't believe in heaven and hell, correct?" "Yes." "Then, where do you want to be?"

She pondered if she would actually gain what she wanted in this realm. It seemed too good to be true. But she felt the pull to convey what she believed to this mysterious shadow figure. So she did. "Very well," the figure responded and moved aside, revealing nothing in front of her. At that moment, the road where she stood appeared like the very end of the road with nothing in front of it. She knew that the road behind her existed, but she never wanted to look back. Nor did she want to go back. But then, a curiosity came over her.

"Wait," she frantically searched for the figure, which resided right next to her. "You would like to know something, do you?" At that, she realized that this figure might know everything. "I see you have realized something about me. And you are a curious soul after all," the figure stated.

Without her having to ask what made her curious, the scenery before them shifted. It was black and red. There were flames, and there were people screaming in pain. "These people believed in heaven and hell," the figure stated before the scenery shifted once more. "So are they," the figure stated. She gazed at the scenery before her, a very contrast to the previous one with people seemingly in content and the whole place was engulfed in warm light. "And then, there are these people who believed in something else," the figure state before the scenery changed once more. She saw blinding light which gradually dimmed down, revealing what seemed like personal resting places. An endless galaxy, a meadow in spring with freshly bloomed flowers, bed made of fluffy clouds, and more.

Suddenly, it all clicked. "It's all in the head," she whispered. "Yes. Some people believed in heaven and hell. Some people believed in seeing that one blinding light which served as the gateway for eternal peace. Some people believed that they would live in a body once more. And you? Your belief is quite rare, I suppose."

The scenery before them had returned to nothing. Now that she knew, she was ready to step into that blank space before her. She was satisfied enough with what she knew. She did not need to know how it was decided who went to hell and who went to heaven for those who believed in them. Because she believed that the decision was made fairly, unlike the place where she lived.

She turned her gaze to the figure once more, which seemed to wait for her to make the step. She felt the urge to thank the figure for revealing the information to her, so she did. Even if deep down, she felt like the figure might be able to feel her gratitude. Returning her gaze back to the nothingness, she stepped forward. And just like her surrounding, she became nothing. She finally disappeared; and soon, her physical existence would disappear as well in due time. It did not matter to her if she would be remembered or not, because she had truly disappeared into nothingness.

Goodbye

In the state I was in, nothing mattered. In the state I was in, time didn't matter. In the state I was in, nothing existed. In the state I was in, no one mattered. In the state I was in, no one existed. No one but me.

As if watching a movie in the theater, a rectangular shaped light flickered before me. Soon, I was watching my entire life. But instead of forward, it was moving backward.

I saw myself rushed backward on a hospital bed. I saw myself flipping the paged of my favorite book backward. I saw myself walking backward down the street, and all the vehicles & people were also moving backward. I saw myself returning the water into the glass from my mouth. I saw my younger self running backward along with my brother.

By then, I remembered something. When you saw flashes of your life rewinding, it meant that you were about to die.

The memory kept on playing even if I came to realize what was happening. I was not afraid. I fully understood that those who lived would eventually died. So I stayed there to watch all my rewinding memory until the very last end. I was calm, knowing that my life had come to an end. And when the film had come to an end, a white light blinded my sight.

When the intensity of the light decreased, I was lying in a closed wooden space. The wood seemed young as the color was light. It felt soft and comfortable. Then I noticed my attire. I was wearing a soft white dress which reached my knees. The dress, too, was comfortable.

I closed my eyes and let my smile blossomed, soaking in the atmosphere in the closed space. "Finally," I thought to myself before I felt another intense white light binding my sight.

It was dark and raining. I couldn't feel the rain at all even though I didn't have an umbrella. I was standing before a grave, my own grave. After awhile, I whispered softly, "Goodbye, my old self." I walked away without looking back.

Golden Trees and Fallen Fruits

She woke up in an unknown yet comfortable place. She took a moment to adjust to her surroundings, then she realized that she was finally on a trip with her best friend. She rose from her bed and exited the room to freshen up.

Knowing that her best friend tend to wake up later, she decided to fix a breakfast for both of them. She finished her breakfast and took a shower. When she had exited her room, already dressed up and freshly showered, she saw her best friend standing before the table with a hint of sleepiness in her eyes. She told her best friend that she would take a walk in the nearby park for awhile, and she had cooked breakfast for them. She exited the apartment with her beige trench coat to keep her warm.

Fallen autumn leaves were scattering across the park. The trees themselves had orange and yellow tinted leaves. Some people were running, cycling, having a picnic, and simply did the same activity as her. She kept on walking deeper into the park until she saw a group of oddly mesmerizing tree. The trees were tall and had golden leaves, almost identical to the hue of the precious metal. They also had several round fruits with the same color as the leaves. Suddenly, all of the fruits fell from the tree within the exact same time. She didn’t realize there were other people nearby, until she heard rustling and murmurs. She witnessed people gathering the golden fruits. Some of them ate it and had a smile on their faces.

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A woman approached her and offered her the fruit. The confusion must be obvious on her face, so the woman told her everything she knew about the trees. The autumn scenery provided a perfect camouflage, while the other seasons made them stood out since the color of the leaves didn’t change. The trees only produced ripened fruits on autumn, and those who tasted it would taste happiness. At that, her expression turned grim as she knew that happiness would never last. But before the woman before her could reply, she heard her best friend called her name. She turned around, and there she stood a couple of feet from her. The women gave her another fruit and told her to enjoy it while it last, then she walked away. 

She approached her best friend who stood there next to a bench. The people around them were still gathering and eating the fruit. She gave one of the fruits from the mysterious woman to her best friend and sat down on the bench. Just like those who were eating it, her best friend’s features radiated happiness after she took a bite of the golden fruit. She was curious, so she asked her best friend about the taste. Her best friend told her that she never encountered a taste like that, but it strangely made her happy. She internally sighed, thinking whether or not she deserved happiness while storing the fruit in her sling bag. She masked her true emotion with a smile so natural that her best friend seemed convinced that she already sampled the fruit.

Magical Calendula

As a tea lover, I was drawn into other types of tea like herbal and flower tea. And recently, I've been drawn into flower tea so much that I haven't purchased any regular tea bags which are easily found at the nearby stores and mini markets. Why do I put up with ordering flower tea from online shops when I can just walk several meters from my home and buy a box of tea bags, you might ask. The initial motive was the taste and benefits, since flower tea and herbal tea aren't from tea leaves and therefore contain no caffeine. My biggest curiosity was on the taste since I have to admit what makes me avoid coffee is the taste of the caffeine whilst tea have lower caffeine level thus making me able to tolerate the taste.

I think the first flower tea that I had was chamomile, but it was long ago that I'm beginning to forget the taste. Then rosebud tea, I fell in love with it. Next was forget-me-not, which might not be as popular as other flower tea. And now, I still have some calendula tea in my kitchen. Which is the star of this particular post.

I made a mistake of putting more than one flower buds and boiling them, so I was not prepared for how strong the taste was. Despite of the attack of the bitterness, I could tell that the bitterness was different with regular tea and other kinds of tea from tea leaves. Just like how the sweetness varies between sugar, honey, and maple. At that moment, I vowed to change my method to place only a bud of calendula into a cup and pour the boiled water in. And I always sip my calendula tea that way, leaving the bud in the cup when the tea was completely drained into my system.

Calendula is one of a variety of marigold, and I was impressed by how soothing the scent of the steaming tea make me feel although the effect isn't as strong as rosemary tea. After I drank it, I concluded that flower tea and herb tea may have more calming effect than regular tea for me regardless of how often I drink it. Which is why I only drink them when I'm feeling under the weather and not regularly. I only take them when I need them.

One day, I felt my eyes weakened as an effect of staring at a screen for quite a long time. I was aware that one of the most popular thing to soothe the eyes is sliced cucumber. Though I haven't tried it, I have tried using chilled teabags in the past. They worked, obviously, but I only have dried calendula. I wondered if I can use the used buds over my eyes since the buds aren't as small as rosebud and forget-me-not. Though I haven't found anyone who use extracted calendula buds to soothe their eyes, I found interesting benefits of calendula from healthline which noted the antioxidant properties in the flower among other benefits like anti aging and its healing properties. I also found that Kiehl's also launched a series of products featuring the flower.

Convinced by what I read, I began to slightly change my method. When the cup of calendula tea is warm enough for me to drink, I scooped the buds and petals into another cup and added some of the tea to keep them hydrated. Then I chilled them in the fridge. I use two buds for each of my eyes, so I repeated the same steps for the second bud and placed it into the same glass with extra water for both buds. I dabbed the buds over my eyes and felt my eyes refreshed and soothed. I discarded the buds and left with the extracted water which turned into deep orange liquid with several petals scattering in it. I didn't know what to do with it, but then I remembered what I read from my research and the fact that the flower is used in several skincare products. Then I had an idea.

I remembered something about the effect on acne, so I tentatively dabbed it over my stress caused acne and kept the rest of the extract in an empty bottle to let it chill in the fridge. The next morning came and the size of the acne was significantly reduced from my forehead. One thing led to another, so I kept dabbing my eyes with the buds and stored the extract into the bottle until it filled approximately a quarter of the bottle. I then bought a package of compressed sheet mask and used the extract to create DIY sheet mask. I use them twice a day and leave them on my face for less than 20 minutes.

The first thing I noticed after using it was how hydrated my skin felt, similar to what I feel whenever I use brand produced sheet masks. Now, my skin feels less oily and the acne is gradually decreasing. I also noted that it might take longer time for the acne mark to disappear, but the process of reducing the size and redness is relatively quick on my skin. Satisfied by the result, I made a decision to keep on using the dried calendula at this particular order: separate and chill the buds with some of the water, sip the tea, buds for eye, and extracts for sheet mask.

With this new-found knowledge, I think I might experiment when I try other types of flower tea. I'm really excited to experiment with lavender tea as it's another well-known flower used in skincare, although I might not use it for my eyes since the buds are way smaller than rosebuds. But until then, I'm using the dried calendula in those orders above until I'm running out of it. The only warning I'll give if anyone else is using calendula is allergy, which I have found in this website. Also, there are other methods to use calendula for skincare (like this one); but the only reason I use calendula extract (or technically tea) is that I have dried calendula while some may use ground calendula or calendula tincture with additional ingredients to complement the type of calendula they're using. I'm comfortable with using just the extract and sheet mask, so anyone else can use any type of calendula and other ingredients which are comfortable for their own skin.