A Wish for Peace

I could feel the warmth of the sun and the soft breeze fluttering by. The lovely scent of floral spring air dancing into my sense of smell. Sprouts of grass touching me lightly. And the soft glow of light trying to penetrate my still closed sight. Slowly, I opened my eyes and was greeted by the light blue sky; illuminated by the warm sunlight and decorated with streaks of white clouds. I raised my torso and peeked at my surroundings. Flowers were everywhere. Roses of all colors to my right, lavender to my left. I fully stood up then, only to be greeted by much more mesmerizing view. There were rows separating each flower rows, and I was standing in one. Sunflowers, tulips, gardenias, peonies, marigold. And even flower trees like cherry blossoms and aquatic flowers like lotus were present, as well as flowers I wasn’t familiar with. I then realized that somehow, I was standing in an endless floral garden.

Everything felt so peaceful, and I had the urge to lay back down and just submerge myself in this atmosphere. But just when I was about to descend myself, I felt a presence behind me. Impulsively, I turned around and saw a woman wearing lovely floral sundress with a brilliant smile on her face. Her smile was so contagious that I couldn’t help but smiled back at her. However, I was slightly curious.

“Where am I?” I asked her. “What can you remember?” she softly asked me with her melodic voice.

As if that question was a spell, I suddenly had flashes running before my eyes. The earliest memory I had of my life, the first few of friends I met, my family, my transition from a child as years passed by, how everything went downhill, my mental state, and my decision to…

“I killed myself,” I murmured with my gaze to the grassy land.

Her smile turned into a sad smile then. But she said nothing. As if she was waiting for me to say something, ask something. Should I ask her the aftermath of my death? Which people were terribly missing my presence? How my best friends took the news? How my family reacted? How many people knew of it? And the reason why I did it? But then again, did it even matter? I was already gone. And that left me a question to where this would lead me.

“Why am I here?” I asked her. “You wanted peace,” she simply said. It didn’t make sense. I heard stories of how suicide victims were condemned to hell or some sort of eternal anguish and suffering. So why was I standing in an endlessly beautiful floral garden?

As if she could hear my thoughts, she continued to elaborate her answer. “You believed that you’d be much more at peace by leaving the world. It made you suffer, yes, but you still clung into that one belief. And now, here you are,” she said. “Then why did I have to suffer so much? Why were all my friends’ comforts weren’t enough for me to go on? Just… why?” I burst out. “Because that’s the way the world’s supposed to be. Nothing can be completely fair out there. And most importantly, both opposing forces are needed to keep the world alive. As twisted as it sounded, that’s the way it is,” she gently explained.

Mixture of emotions were bubbling within me. I wanted to cry and shout and throw something at the same time. Yet, I was still rooted to the grassy lane. I wasn’t even sure if I could produce a single tear, considering that I was no longer alive. So I let the calming atmosphere of the garden soothe my winding emotions.

“All of my sufferings…” I started shakily, and I couldn’t say no more. “Weren’t for nothing,” she completed. “People will know. And the right people will continue to fight on your behalf, as well as the behalf of others who are suffering as well,” she explained. “And what about the wrong people? They always say mean things like how weak and ungrateful we are for taking our own lives! Some even consider it sinful, so why am I here instead of burning in inferno?” I exclaimed. “They just don’t understand. It appears that it’s the simplest solution to rule suicide as a sin to prevent it, without really learning the cause of suicide and even the consequences of that simplistic rule. They don’t know that death, whatever the form is, is destined. Just like how you were destined to die within your own hands,” she said before taking a moment to pause.

“But like I’ve mentioned, both opposing forces are needed there. The world might end if there’s nothing to fight anymore, nothing to do, nothing to pursue, nothing to continue. It’ll just stop,” she explained.

Somehow, I felt relieved. Perhaps it was the simplest closure that I needed. I finally understood, even if I didn’t like how my life eventually ended. Fate could be cruel sometimes, but so were some people. And to think that I ended up having what I truly deserved once I was no longer alive…

“But… what about the others? I mean, others like me?” I asked her. “Does it matter?” she asked me. “Well… maybe not so. I’m just wondering…,” I trailed off.

She gazed out to the wide garden before she continued. “Each souls are different. Different paths, different beliefs. That’s why only yours matters for you,” she explained. “What are you saying?” I asked her. She finally turned to look at me again. “All I’m saying is, you should decide where you go from here. With your own belief. You believed that you’ll find your peace, that’s why you’re not condemned in hell. So, where do you want to be? Do you want to stay here? Change the scenery? Explore the entire universe? Or do you want to live as a human again?” she asked me.

There was no way I wanted to live in that world again, even if there might be a chance that I wouldn’t go through the great suffering again. So that left me with other options.

“I… I can change the scenery and explore the universe?” I asked her. “This is your realm of peace, my dear. You can do anything you want. Just imagine, and it’ll come,” she smiled genuinely.

Immediately, I turned my back to her and imagined the first thing that rushed within my soul. All of a sudden, I was no longer standing in an endless floral garden. I was floating in space, surrounded by countless stars and colorful nebula. I could feel the abundant energy in this place, as if they were charging my soul. But somehow, I still wanted to feel the peaceful atmosphere of that floral garden; so I imagined that scenery returning.

Soft breeze fluttered around me, and that sweet floral scent were rushing to my sense of smell once more. A part in my mind thought that there were still so many unanswered questions, questions that were most likely cultivated from my own curiosity. As strange as it sounded, I was slightly curious even if I was no longer alive. But while immersing myself in this eternal peace, and hearing the explanation from that woman, perhaps it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter that some answers were meant to stay as mysteries.

And speaking of which, I turned once more and found her secured on the very same spot. “You’re fine,” she smiled at me. “What about you?” I asked her. “I’m always watching over you, and I’ll come to you whenever you need me,” she said. I finally smiled in content and thanked her. “As long as you’re no longer tied to your past life, you’ll be alright,” she said before her form slowly faded away, leaving me to the endlessly eternal bliss.

DISCLAIMER: This story is by no means created to promote or romanticized suicide. What I'd like to press here is my belief that they deserve to be at peace after all they had gone through which made them decided to do so. I also wish that people could be more considerate in order to prevent more victims from taking their own lives.